Tranformers: Forever TFTM parody
by lotus-genie
Summary: I decided to jump on the bandwagon and write a parody of the 1986 Transformers movie. The characters of Wayward's TF: Forever universe are acting out the parody.


_This is the result of a joke. I had witer's block and decided to write this for stress relief.I do not own Transformers or and other copyritghted material mentioned in this fic. All of the characters and technobabble belongs to Wayward. I only came up with this parody idea. This is in no way connected to the rest of the Waywardverse. In other words, this is an Alternate Universe fanfic. It has some bases around the other TFTM parodies out there, which belong to their various owners._

_Please review when you read or I'll be depressed... _

* * *

The Cast of Transformers: Forever Present:

**The All Important TFTM (1986) Spoof!**

**Chapter1: Megatron vs. the Shuttle**

_(The chapter where all the dead guys keep on acting alive)_

In the darkness of space, the planet Veridia hung like a silver pearl, or a green pearl. Oh, who am I kidding? It was smog filled industrial hellhole, complete with factories that smelled like cow flatulence. People worked day in and day out, sweating their pathetic existences away. So, perhaps it was a merciful occurrence that a now resurrected Unicron came to devour their planet.

Of course, nobody knew this. The very same workers who had prayed for death to deliver them every night before bedtime were now panicking and trying to escape total annihilation. Two of them were Thinky and Brain. The two were robots, since Transformers without robots would be like Sailor Moon without the sailor scouts: nothing at all. Thinky was an orange and red robot that had a pointy hat while Brain was a periwinkle colored robot with a helmet resembling an exposed brain.

Thinky: Oh dear Primus We're all going to meet a horrible and disgusting end at the hands of an orange beach ball!

Brain: No, we'll survive! To the shuttles!

Thinky: Can't we just transform into our spaceship alternate mode and escape? Narf!

Brain: Would you prefer weathering the cold of deep space by yourself, with no supplies, or would you prefer sitting in a shuttle with luxurious seating, adequate resources, and fine dining?

Thinky: I like the shuttle, but…

Brain: Who's smarter: me or you?

Thinky: You, narf!

Brain: Then it's decided! To the shuttles!

Thinky: Narf!

The two ships blasted off from their dying planet. However, Unicron's attraction was just too powerful, and Brain's ship was pulled into the giant Transformer's mouth. The luckless robot was destroyed along with the rest of his people. On the other ship, Thinky mourned his friend's passing but was soon distracted by an asteroid that looked like Mickey Mouse's head.

Brain: My only appearance and I get eaten…

* * *

is the year whatever, since Cybertronians did not keep a time system like Earthlings. The only thing important is that around 2.5 million earth years have passed since the Great Wars ended. Optimus Prime and Megatron are now only names that exist in legends and historical files. However, all was not over. A femme snapped one day and announced herself as the new Megatron. To face her, a Security Monitor renamed himself Optimus Prime, leading a small bunch of Autobots against Megatron's tiny army of Decepticons.

As time passed, both sides gained more and more soldiers. The people of Cybertron, long used to a peaceful lifestyle, rebelled and exiled the two warring factions to Cybertron's uninhabited moons until they could sort out their problems. The Autobots complied and left, but the Decepticons refused and stayed around anyway. For the most part, the other Cybertronians ignored them and continued with everyday life, infuriating Megatron to no end. Meanwhile, the heroic Autobots are trying to stop the Decepticons once and for all so they can finally go home.

It is here that our story truly begins. A small, yellow Decepticon, named Sundor and transforming from CD to condor, was spying on one of the Autobot's moon bases. Inside, Optimus was talking to Den Alpha.

Optimus: Den Alpha, report to me at once.

Alpha: Every time I have to speak one of these horrible lines, written by a stupid author who doesn't know the first thing about combat, my circuits sizzle. When are we going escape this abominable fanfic and go back to beating up the Decepticons, who are even more incompetent than our idiots?

Optimus: Alpha, stick to the script unless you want us all to get a pay-cut.

Alpha: Every time I look into a monitor, Prime, my circuits sizzle. When are we going to start busting Deceptichops?

Optimus: Thanks to the way this story was designed, not right now.

Alpha: I thought we were sticking to the script.

Optimus: I want you to make a special run to Autobot City on Earth.

Alpha: But Prime, is there even an Autobot City; and how is it on Earth, out of all places?

Optimus: Of course there's an Autobot City. If there wasn't, where would Magnus be? I also meant on Athenia fo the location.

Alpha: Now you're making sense. But why do we need to go to Autobot City first? I could kick the aft of half of the Decepticon army here and now.

Optimus: Listen, Alpha, we don't have enough energon cubes to power a full-scale frontal assault. Ready the shuttle for launch.

Alpha: I would complain about how stupid of a plan this is, seeing as how there's hundreds of warehouses filled with energon on this moon, but I don't want a pay-cut. So, Decepticreeps, your days are numbered now!

Prime: Rebound, report security status.

Rebound, a white, black, and gold sports car bearing more than a passing resemblance to Jazz, paid no attention to Optimus. He was break-dancing to some music that he had turned up to maximum volume, to the chagrin of all around him. After a while, he noticed Prime's call and scrambled to answer it.

Rebound: Sorry, Daddy-o. I was too absorbed in my tunes.

Optimus: You're supposed to be a cop. How did you avoid getting fired?

Rebound: We were short on personnel in Crystal City. How else do you think Pursuit, out of all people, became my partner?

Optimus: Good point. Pursuit and Whisper are certainly very similar.

Rebound: They were best friends back in the academy.

Optimus: That explains a lot. Anyway, report your security status.

Rebound: No Decepticon shenanigans around here. Beside, we're in the same base: you should know if Decepticreeps are around here.

Optimus: The script says I have to call you, even though you're just in the other room.

Rebound: Man, this is uncool. I wish the author didn't have the power to cut our pay.

Optimus: So do I, Rebound, so do I.

Rebound: Anyway, we're all clear.

Optimus: Are you sure?

Rebound: Not really, since I was listening to my tunes. However, Megatron would have burst in and started shooting if she was here.

Optimus: That's good enough. The sooner we get done with this, the better. Now, radio the other base and find out their status.

Rebound: Sure thing. Rebound to moon-base two, Rebound to moon-base two…

In moon-base two, there were only two people: Liege Hyperion and Sandra. Hyperion was the child-like ruler of the tiny and hyper-conservative, yet technologically advanced city-state of Xana. Xana, located in the center of what once was Hermeun, was the home to Liege and other social outcasts on Cybertron. Hyperion, due to a problem with spawning, had the mind and body of a child. He had stowed away onto the moon-base, and the rest of the Autobots didn't have any way to ship him back to Cybertron. His partner, Sandra, was a lizard-like young woman. In fact, Sandra was just her nickname, which Hyperion gave to her because he could not pronounce her real name.

When Rebound's call came in, Hyperion was picking his nose. He quickly wiped his oily booger onto Sandra's exo-suit and answered the call.

Hyperion: Hyperion and Sandra here.

Sandra:**--looks disgusted while wiping the booger from her suit--** No Decepticon activity here.

Alpha: That's good.

Optimus: Sometime I wish that we didn't have to do this. Megatron has some great ideas; she's just confused. I can reason with her.

Alpha: She's a Decepticon. To stop Cybertron from falling into endless conflict, we must eradicate the Decepticons.

Sandra: Alpha, please tell my brood of eggs that I love them, and that the future has yet to be decided.

Hyperion: Wrong show, Sandra. I'm letting you watch too much X/1999…

Sandra: Sorry, I got confused. I meant for you to tell my eggs that I loved them and that I'll come back as soon as we've kicked Megatron's tail across the galaxy.

Alpha: It's hard to get that message across, since they're being hatched in an incubator, but I'll try. Good luck taking care of this Liege brat.

Sandra: Thanks.

Hyperion: I'm not a brat!

Sandra: You are; it even says so on your tech spec.

Hyperion sat in the corner and pouted while everyone on the shuttle buckled up. Inside, there was Fallback, a green and brown minibot who looked like Outback; Retrofit a blue and white ambulance who looked like a cross between Ratchet and Red Alert (Armada); Pursuit, a sports car Autobot who resembled G1 Prowl, but had a head likew Energon Prowl; and Den Alpha.

Optimus: That's enough. Hyperion, commence countdown.

Hyperion: What countdown?

Sandra: The countdown for the shuttle, idiot. You have both Bumblebee's and Cliffjumper's parts. Why do you think you got paid double?

Hyperion: I'm cute?

Everybody: Just start the countdown!

Hyperion: One hundred, ninety, eighty, seventy, sixty, fifty, forty, thirty, twenty, thirteen—no I mean—ten, and zero—blast off!

The shuttle took off going sideways, hit an asteroid, turned upside down, and finally resumed its flight path. Everybody back at the moon-base slapped their foreheads, except for Hyperion, who was rolling around laughing.

Optimus: Now all we need is a little energon and _a lot_ of luck. I mean good luck, not the bad luck that seems to come immediately after saying that line.

Sundor: Squawk-buck-squawk! (Now I'll report my findings to Megatron, and maybe she'll give me a kiss!)

* * *

In the Decepticon base, which was an abandoned art studio, Megatron and her subordinates were waiting for Sundor to return. To pass the time, they were playing Go Fish. Currently, Dreadmoon was winning.

Dreadmoon: Got any threes? **--notices Sundor--** Sundor returns.

Megatron: Excellent; unlike some of my other soldiers, you never fail me.

Wraithscream: What? Did someone say something?

Megatron: You heard what I said, you piece of insolent rubbish. **--to Sundor--** I bet you can even take on Prime if you wanted.

Wraithscream: That's crazy, Megatron.

Megatron: Don't listen to him, Sundor. He's just jealous because he's utterly useless.

Wraithscream: I am not! I can repair people, perform research, and fight the Autobots.

Megatron: I repair people; Thunderclash and Shrapnel fight Autobots; and Dreadmoon does research. You're just the unneeded assistant that we had because the author wanted to do some indirect Starscream bashing, especially for Armada Starscream. Just like how Pursuit indirectly bashes G1 Prowl and LOTR….

Wraithscream: I'm much better looking than that bird!

Megatron: Don't worry; you're a pretty bird, Sundor. --**Tickling Sundor's belly--** Yes you are, yes you are.

Sundor: Squawk! Buck-buck buck! (Yet another girl falls before my mighty charm! Suck that up, useless and girlfriendless one!)

Dreadmoon: This is too disturbing for words. Get back to the script.

Megatron: Dreadmoon, play back the findings.

Dreadmoon: putting Sundor in the computer As you command, mighty Megatron.

In the video, a quick summary of the Autobots' conversation was played out. Wraithscream drooled when he saw Den Alpha's well-built body. Megatron shook her head in disgust.

Megatron: This time you won't get away so easily, Prime.

* * *

On the space shuttle, the Autobots were sitting at the controls, introducing themselves. After all, three of them had never been seen before.

Alpha: So, why haven't I seen you around here before?

Pursuit: It's because I haven't shown up yet. I'm Pursuit, Whisper's best friend and formers classmate. We embrace the same philosophy toward life. I became a police profiler, but they moved me to "double duty," which means I have both field and lab duty. My partner is Rebound.

Alpha: Why is there such a personnel shortage?

Pursuit: Crystal City cops have the highest mortality rate on Cybertron. I hated the idea of field work, since it meant I would risk my life. I don't want to die! I'm a coward; I fear for my life!

Fallback: I can't believe I got stuck with an idiot like you! At least you aren't one of those medics. I can't stand 'em.

Retrofit: I take offense to that, you little slagger. Next time you're hurt from one of your stupid antics, you better not end up in my med bay!

Fallback: You're the exception, Retrofit.

Alpha: So your name's Retrofit. I never saw you before.

Retrofit: I haven't shown up yet, but I will at the end of Essay on Art. I'm the guy who has to repair Team Omega when all of them, including their medic, end up scrapped. The only upside to this is that I get to yell at those little afts for clogging up my med bay and taking up my drinking time. **--sarcastically--** Oh, the sheer _joy_ of living. I get to go through mental torture day in and day out, sticking my arms elbow-deep in another mech's energon. Then I get to deal with a bunch of ingrates who go out and get slagged over and over again. Now I have to act in this stupid movie parody that no one's going to read.

Fallback: If it's any consolation, we all die in this scene.

Retrofit: **--still sarcastic--** Thanks a lot, buddy.

Alpha: At least when we die, we can get out of this stupid story.

Fallback: Easy for you to say. I was made for this story. I'm Fallback. Never showed up before, never will.

While the Autobots were introducing themselves, the Decepticons had snuck up on the shuttle. Since the Autobot shuttle had a conveniently broken radar system, nobody noticed. Megatron blew a hole through the shuttle and ordered her Decepticons to attack.

Fallback: Well, better to get my death over with quickly and painlessly. **--charges forward--** Megatron! Decepticons!

Megatron: Do I have to say my lines?

Dreadmoon: **--whispers--** Yes!

Megatron: Die, Autobots! **--transforms and lands in Wraithscream's hand--**

Wraithscream: What do I do now?

Megatron: Fire me, you idiot.

Wraithscream: Eat this, Autobot! **--fires Megatron--**

Fallback: **--hit in the shoulder--** I'm okay.

Megatron: You're supposed to be dead!

Fallback: Oh yeah?

Megatron: This time I'll finish the job. **--Wraithscream fires her gun mode again--**

Fallback:**--gets up-- **Oh yeah?

Megatron: Just die already!

Fallback: Oh yeah?

Megatron transformed into gun mode and tapped into Shrapnel's power. Then, she shot Fallback thirty times before transforming back.

Megatron: You should be dead now.

Fallback: Oh yeah?

Retrofit: Just die already!

Fallback: W-what?

Retrofit: You heard me, you little slagger. Just die so we can get out of this stupid movie.

Fallback: Okay. **--dies--**

Pursuit: Don't shoot! I don't want to die! **--hides behind his chair--**

Retrofit: **--drags Pursuit to his feet--** Stop being an idiot. If you survive this scene, Locutus will tear you apart during the attack on Autobot City.

Pursuit: Really?

Retrofit. Yes, now go die a painless death while you still can.

Despite all of Retrofit's pleas and threats, Pursuit refused to come out from behind his shelter. Instead, he just stayed where he was, shooting at the Decepticons while shutting off his optics. One of the shots hit Chromehorn in the shoulder.

Rancidshell: Oh dear Primus, you shot Chromehorn! **--turns into a bobblehead and speaks with a squeaky voice--** You bastard!

Pursuit: I'm sorry!

Drift, the Insecticon with a large paddle, struck a cool pose before snapping a shot at Pursuit. The shot blew apart Pursuit's chair; a second shot scratched Pursuit's cheek.

Pursuit: I think that itches.

Retrofit: Just die already! shoves a white powder and brown liquid down Pursuit's throat

Pursuit: I don't feel good… **--dies with smoke and foam coming out of his mouth--**

Alpha: What did you do?

Retrofit: I poured Sodium Bicarbonate and Balsamic vinegar into his fuel tank.

Alpha: Ouch.

Skyburst: Can I have my way with him now?

Chromehorn: No. Where's your Spirit?

Skyburst: Shipped off to the dry-cleaner's; I'm not scheduled to pick it back up until Tuesday.

Dreadmoon: Can we get back to the script now?

Megatron: Okay, time to die, Autobots.

Retrofit: **--trying to hold off the Decepticons--** I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Despite their heroic efforts, Den Alpha and Retrofit were no match for the Decepticons. This was a bit illogical, since Den Alpha was one of the best fighters on Cybertron, but this was TFTM: nothing had to make sense. One of Dreadmoon's shot's hit Alpha in the chest. Retrofit threw a concerned look at his comrade, which proved to be the distraction that the Decepticons needed; instantly, both Retrofit and Den Alpha were peppered with shots.

Wraithscream: Don't be intimidated! Kill them all!

Shrapnel: **--shocks Wraithscream--** Megatron gives the orders.

Retrofit: We've got big holes in our chests and we're about to die. What's so intimidating about that?

Megatron: Stupid Japanese script…and you were supposed to say that just before Pursuit died.

As if to overcompensate for the fact that he was causing a majority of the bloopers, Wraithscream went into overkill mode and continued to take potshots at Alpha and Retrofit even as both of the Autobots fell to their knees and collapsed. When they were on the ground, Wraithscream still did not let up and continued shooting.

Dreadmoon: Stop wasting energon.

Megatron: That was too easy.

Retrofit: Well, duh; we were instructed to die in this scene.

Alpha: We're dead, remember?

Pursuit: Yeah, but we wouldn't have been killed so easily if we weren't told to play cannon fodder.

Fallback: You wouldn't have been killed at all. You would've turned tail and ran.

Pursuit: You read my mind.

Retrofit: **--sarcastically--** Usually, tacticians require a will of steel, infinite patience, and a sharp mind. For you, all it takes are fast wheels and a shrink's degree.

Pursuit: No wonder they didn't have you write the tech specs. Anyway, Wraithscream, you didn't need to go into overkill. Your teammates respect you even if you aren't shooting Autobots every waking second.

Shrapnel: No, we don't.

Wraithscream: I wish I was the leader; then everyone would show me some respect.

Shrapnel: You're going to be leader when pigbots fly. **--shocks** **Wraithscream--**

Alpha: Hasbro better never do a pig/bird fuzor.

Wraithscream: Well, this does seem easy compared with attacking the moon bases…

Megatron: No, we're attacking Autobot City.

Wraithscream and Shrapnel: Why?

Dreadmoon: All of their supplies are on Athenia. Also, they would expect an attack on the moon-base. If we attack Autobot City, we could force them out of their element.

After that odd discussion, the Decepticons settled into their new seats and attempted to pilot the shuttle. Unfortunately, both Megatron and Shrapnel had failed their driving lessons. The shuttle was hurtling out of control in no time.

Pursuit: My fuel cells feel nauseous.

Megatron: You're supposed to be dead.

Wraithscream: It's not his fault that **someone** is a lousy pilot.

Shrapnel: **--shocks Wraithscream--** Megatron is a good pilot. It's just that the Autobots designed stupid-looking controls.

Alpha: **--whispers--** Hey, Retrofit, why did you get hurt?

Retrofit: I was only glancing at you!

Alpha: Why did you do that, idiot? We needed you to fix us!

Retrofit: Well, excuse me for caring about you.

Alpha: I'm damaged. Could you possibly repair me?

Retrofit: I'm also damaged and I should be dead. How do you suggest that I repair you?

Alpha: Great, just great. Now we have to get repaired by Scrapheap.

Pursuit: Scrapheap is a decent medic, but he has a penchant for making things explode at the worst times. We'll probably end up more damaged because of his "repairs."

Retrofit: Actually, Scrapheap is on Junkion, visiting his grandmother.

* * *

On Junkion, a femme, her body wrinkled with age, held a spoon full of energon. In front of her, Scrapheap, wearing a bib and a bonnet sat in a large highchair. The elderly femme made some buzzing noises and held the spoon out toward Scrapheap.

Grandma: Come on, Scrappy, open up. Here comes the airplane. Vroom, vroom…

Scrapheap: Grandma, I'm a couple thousand years old. I don't need to be fed.

Grandma: Nonsense: you're never too old to be a baby.

* * *

Meanwhile, back on the shuttle, the supposedly dead Autobots had stood up and started stretching because lying on the floor for so long had cramped their circuits. To Den Alpha's chagrin, Retrofit flat-out refused to repair anyone because of the script.

Alpha: Well, I'm sure standing up and walking around isn't in the script either.

Retrofit: If you're so desperate for repairs, ask Megatron to fix you.

Pursuit: I feel sick…

Drift: Puke on Chromehorn, not me.

Pursuit, taking Drift's advice, ejected his energon all over Chromehorn. Chromehorn proceeded to run around in circles, screaming that he was blind. He bumped into Megatron and pushed her on top of the ship's controls, causing the ship to spin in circles.

Retrofit: An untrained maintenance drone would make a better pilot.

Fallback: Doesn't this seem to parallel some occurrence in history during the third great war?

Retrofit: How should I know? I went into stasis whenever I had history classes back during academy days.

Fallback: How did you ever pass your tests and get a medic's degree?

Retrofit: I copied my answers from Scanner's homework.

Fallback: But didn't they notice your cheating?

Retrofit: It was during the last days of the Great War: you were lucky if you had class three times per month and a test for one of those times. Everything was hurry-scurry. They aimed to get you out of the academy and into the battlefield as soon as possible.

Pursuit: Retrofit, I need medication.

Megatron: You're supposed to be dead.

All of the Autobots dropped back down to the ground. However, since they did not pay attention to how they were lying down, they found themselves in a different position than the one that they had previously occupied.

Pursuit: **--jumps up again--** I need to vomit!

Chromehorn: Do it on Stinglance, not me!

Pursuit: **--barfs on Stinglance--** Okay!

Stinglance: **--slaps Pursuit--** Back to your place, Drone. You're supposed to be dead.

Pursuit: I'm not a drone!

Stinglance: You're a male, so you're a drone.

Pursuit: I'm not really a…

Stinglance: Not only are you of an inferior sex, but you're also of an inferior colony. My Queen shall raze your colony to the round! Long live the Decepticons!

Stinglance's tirade was enough to distract Megatron, thus sending the shuttle into an out-of control spin cycle yet again. It took an hour for Megatron to stabilize the flight path.

Megatron: Stinglance, what did I tell you about distracting me?

Stinglance: Forgive me, my queen, I'll go punish myself right away. **--hits head against chair--** Bad Stinglance, bad Stinglance!

In this way, the shuttle, filled with supposedly dead Autobots and bickering Decepticons, flew toward Autobot City. There, the Autobots were going on about their normal live, unaware of what was about to happen.

**Cast List**

Megatron (Forever)…………….Megatron (G1)

Retrofit…………….Ratchet (G1)

Optimus Prime (Forever) …………….Optimus Prime (G1)

Den Alpha…………….Ironhide (G1)

Neo-Insecticons…………….Insecticons, Constructicons, generic Decepticons

Shrapnel…………….Thndercracker, generic Decepticon

Dreadmoon…………….Soundwave

Fallback…………….Brawn

Liege Hyperion…………….Bumblebee, Cliffjumper

Rebound…………….Jazz

Scrapheap…………….Wheeljack, Wreck-gar

Pursuit…………….Prowl

Thinky and Brain…………….Kranix and Arbulus

Wraithscream…………….Starscream (G1) _although he's pretty crappy with the part_

Sundor…………….Laserbeak

_

* * *

This entire thing is a joke. The "I picked the wrong week to quit drinking line" comes form the film Airplane. Hyperion's personality is based off of my little brother. My brother was also the one responsible for the part where Retrofit and Den Alpha argue about repairs. I have more chapters planned in which various aspects of the movie are parodied, as well as some new stuff._


End file.
